I’ve lived in a small town called Acton for around twenty years. It is safe, quiet, and clean and has only 2,500 residents here. Moreover, we know each other very well, always help and concern with each other. We all lead comfortable lives this town, which has not changed very much in the past 100 years, but something is about to change in the small town. It is Last month that Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a large factory in our town. Although this decision may bring more jobs for us, I’m afraid that opening a factory here will trigger lots of pollution. The air here may be polluted by some chemicals, leading to our respiratory systems lack of function. The chemicals will also pollute water; therefore, we will drink dirty water, we might get sick. It will also be much noisier here, which may contribute to our bad hearing. Plus, it will be more dangerous than before. With the more job opportunities in the factory, many people will move from other countries to here to work in the factory. As many immigrants moving to Acton , there will be fewer jobs for everyone. Then the criminal rates will increase and everyone here will live with worry. Last, the more people dwell in Acton , the less people will concern with each other. We will know little about our neighbors and never help each other in the long run. To sum up, I don’t want Acton to change and hope every inhabitant here can lead simple lives here in the future.
第五行 Last要用小寫
回覆刪除小細節都有注意到寫的很好!
1.It is safe, quiet, and clean and has only 2,500 residents here.
回覆刪除要不要改
It is safe, quiet, and clean town which has only 2,500 residents here.
就不會有連續的2個and
2.lives this town 要不要加個in
3.Last month 改 last month
4.trigger怪怪的http://tw.dictionary.yahoo.com/dictionary?p=trigger(自己去看意思)
5.we will drink dirty water, we might get sick
(為什麼前後時態不一樣阿?)
改 we will drink dirty and may det sick
文中有好多will~
回覆刪除要不要有些用其他字代替呢:)
文意大大通順唷!
上一篇很短很好
回覆刪除這一篇很長也很好
這篇看起來沒什麼大問題
回覆刪除國雯也已經給足了意見
你的文章已經長短皆宜了...
回覆刪除